Enterprise Limericks

These are selections from a long-running thread on the TrekBBS. Limericks for each episode from Seasons 1 and 2 can be found over at the Trip section of the House of Tucker.

Contributions from various denizens of the BBS: Archer4Trip, bandybones, blingawa, emily reich, evay, gort, kirkette, Miss Thang, Moiner, MrFrans, NAHTMMM, PhantomoftheNet, Ptrope, T'Bonz, T'Dax, The Tone, tripsyatlady, wombat61 and wychwood.

Episode Limericks

Silent Enemy

An alien ship, most silent
Turned out to be rather malevolent
But with Reed and Trip's science
and the Captain's defiance
Earth's response to the bugs was quite violent

We've been scanned! Who did it? And why?
Reed's folks made us all want to cry.
Trip and Mal fixed the guns,
Scared off the silent ones,
Then had pineapple cake on the sly.

Shuttlepod One

"Do not make OMT cranky!"
(Mal sniffled a bit in his hanky.)
They used 'tato mash
To seal up the gash
And then huddled under a blankie.

Trip and Mal thought ENT was dust.
Malcolm said his farewells, but Trip just
Popped a fifth of good whiskey
They didn't get frisky
Instead our boys learned about trust.


CARRRRRROTS!!!!!! echoed from the mess hall.
Trip and Mal, like young schoolboys they did brawl.
Dr Phlox went knife happy.
Archer's writing was crappy.
But at length they were saved by ol' T'Pol.

Future Tense

When Trip and Mal worked on the pod
They started to note something odd
When Trip and Mal worked on the pod
They started to note something odd
When Trip and Mal worked on the pod
They started to note something odd
When Trip and Mal worked on the pod
They started to note something odd
A wrinkle in time?
"Was that your line or mine?"
"We've done this before, my old sod!"

The Crossing

Wissssp!Trip really went for the chow
And his friends weren't leavin' nohow.
Hoshi simmered, Mal leered,
Tough!Phlox was to be feared
Concerned!Archer furrowed his brow.

Wissssp!Trip had everyone fooled.
Wisssp!Malcolm Reed said, "Yeah, Sex Ruled!"
Travis nearly got gored
Rostov's Wissssp soon got bored.
Some saw PJ!Polly and drooled.

The Breach

Malcolm and Trip were quite sore
From sliding along the cave floor.
Travis saving their bacon
From a bloody mess makin'
But as for the ropes, we say, "More!"

In sickbay our poor boys were achin'
From falls that their backsides were breakin'
Yet worse than the pain
Was a lingering stain
On their reps, 'cause Phlox thought they were fakin'.

General Limericks


While in Decon with Mal and Trip
After Phlox made them both strip
Dr. Phlox suddenly discovered
When their bodies were uncovered
They were the best in shape on the ship!

Mal went to Decon with Trip
To avoid infecting the whole ship
They slathered with gel
Trip let out a yell
Cause Malcolm had made a lewd slip

When Tucker bumped Reed in Decon
With a gel-laden, vibrating prawn,
Said Reed, "Our Miss Sato
Might say, 'arigato!'
But I think I'll keep my clothes on."

When Trip bumped Mr Reed in decon
Malcie took it for some kind of come on
"But...but..." Tucker stammered.
"I've just been TripHammered,"
Mal sighed, and said "Sorry, there, Jon!"

Zero-G Twister

Mal needed help to unzip
the pocket that caught on the pip
of his friend there beside
him after he tried
To play zero-G Twister with Trip.

Malcolm and Trip were entwined
And neither of them seemed to mind
Trip thought about winning
But his head was spinning ...
And "right foot-blue" left him quite blind

After all that, Mal was grinning.
Said Trip, "This is just the beginning.
I jus' know you'll love it --
You'll be glad we've done it."
As he talked his friend into sinning


Trip said, "Please don't make me beg:
I won't kiss that Bundy named Peg!
I'd rather pick Reed
(He's cuter indeed)
Or Jon, Amy, Beth, Jo, or Meg!"

Shuttlepods One and Two hover
Over the statue called "Lover"
So Trip can get pics
And watch Malcolm fix
The ceiling that's broken above'er.

If Mal were to give Trip a flower...
Miss Thang would no longer look dour.
But Hoshi would scream
At the end of her dream
And Archer would certainly glower!

Trip and Mal shared an ice cream
While rowing a boat on a stream.
But their craft sprung a leak-
Opined Malcolm, "Eeeeeeeeek!"
What Trip plugged it with made Mal *gleam*.

Malcolm Reed is quite proper and prim
His appearance can seem rather grim;
But Trip knows him better
Reed obeys to the letter
Lest it involves taking a swim.

Mal told Tucker where he could shove it
(Just a little more left and above it).
Complained Trip, "I can't reach!"
Phlox said, "I've a leech
Which should do the trick -- I'm so proud of it!"

Reed laughed when Trip Tucker made threats
to bet on the Yanks 'gainst the Mets
So Trip grabbed him quite roughly
Then things got a bit scuffly
But when dust cleared they had no regrets!

Reed "out of the closet" was sent
When way over backwards he bent
For Commander Charles Tucker,
That badass mother**cker,
And Mal said, "How well that repeatedly went!"...

wychwood found herself 'twixt Mal and Trip
A4T gave advice: "Get a grip!"
She fainted with shock
When she woke up, the clock
Indicated she'd just dreamt her 'ship.

Malcolm and Trip had a way
That was so illogical that T'pol would say
"Come and get me boys
You're much better than toys"
But Starfleet rules all say "ix-nay."

In order to appease the Brit
Who had worked himself into a snit
Trip brought him a gun.
Now the damage is done
But 'twas worth it Trip had to admit!

A story in limericks...

On the bridge there was a brawl
Which caused Trip and Mal's big fall.
Trip landed on top
and heard a loud *pop*
Coming from him on whom he did sprawl.

Mal gasped, "Commander, please stop --
My heart rate is starting to drop!
I'm feeling quite faint"
"Ah, hush yer complaint!
Though it's too bad that we broke the prop!"

Trip continued, "I know I'm no saint.
Though my manners can be rather quaint
I'm here to bust some heads
And sunder marriage beds {{well, such as they are}}
But a cardiac crusher I ain't!"

At that point, Mal needed some meds
For his nerves were hanging in shreds
Trip called him a "sissy"
Which made Mal quite pissy
So he socked Trip in both of his heads.

Trip said "Sorry that I was so dissy."
Mal apologized for his fit hissy.
Will they kiss and make up?
and on caviar sup?
(skip the food, wych wants to see kissy!)

So the next time things start to heat up
Trip will offer Mal kindness' cup.
'cause Southern boys are sweet
And as Trip's special treat...
He'll also offer Mal a quick shtupp.

Mal went out to shoot a cow
'Cause Trip wanted ribs for his chow.
But the rustle in the grass
Was Porthos, alas!
But that's something Ol' Archer won't allow.

And finally... The Camptown Races, Enterprise style!

Mal went out to shoot a cow
Doo-dahhh! Doo-Dahhh!
For target practice and some chow!
Oh, doo-dah dayyy!
Reed-alert all night!
Reed-alert all day!
I'll bet my money on that uptight Brit
One shot blows that cow clean awayyy!!




Seven people have made comments

This is so funny! I was LOLing! Hope to see more of these soon!

Aaaahhh...that Future Tense one is just hysterical. :)

*giggle* Thank you; I love the Future Tense one. But it's "CampTOWN races." :D

Drat :) Thanks, evay, will change it


These are really funny. Will have to recommend this site to all my friends who like Malcolm!!!

There was a young man named Charles Tucker
Whose toolbox made all the girls pucker.
The hammer was hefty,
The plumb-bob, made for a lefty.
And the gals all proclaimed him, "Great -- fellow!"




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