"Travis' Birthday Party"

Author - Pennyforum | Category - Humour | Main Story | Rating - PG-13
Trip * Malcolm Fanfic Home

Author: Pennyforum

Title: Travis' Birthday Party

Rating: PG

Category: Humour

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything. I own nothing except for a couple of Ocs.

Comment: This is unbetaed, so any mistakes are my own.
Please comment. I love hearing what you think of my writing


“Hey! Commander. Lieutenant. Hang about!”

Ensign Travis Mayweather's shout stopped Commander Charles Tucker III (Trip to his friends) and Lieutenant Malcolm Reed in their tracks. Their shifts started in a few minutes and they were heading for the bridge.

Trip held the turbolift door for Travis to catch up thinking that was what he wanted. Travis however, was not in uniform, so not on duty just yet.

“What's up?” Malcolm asked him. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no.” Travis was a little breathless from running. “I just wanted to catch you before you disappeared. I'm having a party tonight. It's my birthday and Hoshi's arranging a bit of a do. We'd like it if you could both come along.”

“A party?” decided Trip with glee. “Sure, we'll come, won't we, Mal?”

“Yes, of course. We'd love to help you celebrate.”

“Good. 2000 hours, my quarters. Bring a cushion.”

“A cushion?” Trip was puzzled.

“To sit on!” explained Travis. “See you.” Then he was gone. Trip and Malcolm continued on their way to the bridge.

They discovered during the course of the day that Captain Archer and T'Pol had been invited, as well as Dr Phlox and Crewman Liz Cutler.

* * *

“That makes at least eight people will be crowded into Travis's quarters, which are smaller than mine.” Malcolm ticked off names on his fingers, looked at Trip across the table where they were having lunch, and asked, “How is he going to manage it?”

“No idea,” confessed Trip. “It should make for an interesting evening, though.”

“Indeed. We'll all be breathing down each others necks.”

“A good excuse for us to get close together without raising comments.” Trip winked and grinned.

“They know about us,” Malcolm pointed out. “They've seen us together for a couple of weeks now. Why do we need an excuse?”

Trip was a little exasperated. “It's just more fun that way, that's all.”

“You mean that you liked it better before we told them we were together?”

“Well, no.’Cos now we can do things without worrying about who might be around. It's nice that we can act like any normal couple, but it does take some of the excitement out of it, don't you think?”

“Yes, I suppose you're right. I hadn't thought about it that way. But we've been a couple for seven months now. It was high time we let everyone know. They were beginning to get suspicious, anyway.”

“Tell me about it. I was getting some very odd looks from all sorts of people.” Trip finished his coffee and started to rise. “I have to get back to engineering. Are you done?”

Malcolm nodded, gathered up his tray and followed Trip out of the mess hall.

* * *

By 2100 the party was in full swing. There was food, courtesy of Chef, and music, but no dancing due to lack of space. There were actually eleven people in the tiny cabin. Also present were Liz's current boyfriend, Crewman Ethan Novakovich, Crewman Natasha Kelly and Crewman Michael Rostov. It had been decided early on that it would be best if everyone remained seated, then nobody would have their toes trampled. Food and drink was being passed round, and Michael Rostov was in charge of the music as he was the nearest.

So this is how they were sitting. Liz, Ethan and Phlox were on the bunk. Tasha and Michael were on the floor (hence the need for cushions!) between the bunk and the desk. T'Pol was sitting, very upright, on the desk chair to the left of the desk. Captain Archer was next to T'Pol with his back against the bathroom door, (which meant he had to move every time someone wanted to use said bathroom). Hoshi was in the corner alongside Archer, with Travis next to her backed against the door. Trip was on the floor between Travis and the bunk with his legs stretched out along the side of the bunk. Malcolm was sitting between Trip's legs and using Trip as a cushion!

They had set the lights to low, the music to soft, and Travis was telling them ghost stories! The party had started with drinks being passed around and everyone wishing Travis a happy birthday in their own fashion – the ladies (except for T'Pol) with a kiss, the men with a hug or handshake. Then people had begun to reminisce about some of the birthdays they had had and remembered fondly..

Then someone suggested camp-fire songs. This was first greeted with hoots of laughter, and then taken seriously. Soon they were all singing things like 'Row, row, row the boat'. They split up into three groups and sang it as a round. The trouble was, they didn't know when to stop, so kept going until Archer called a halt. “I think we'd better stop rowing round in circles or someone's going to get sea-sick.”

And now they were listening to ghost stories! It was the perfect time for a little canoodling between the various couples. Liz was snuggled up to Ethan, Michael was whispering sweet nothings in Tasha's ear, Travis had his arm around Hoshi, and Trip was caressing Malcolm’s bare arm. Malcolm was leaning back against Trip, and looking quite relaxed. Phlox was in his element. He had a PADD and was madly taking notes. Archer looked across at Liz and Ethan, and wished that he and T'Pol could... But she would never allow it. Sitting beside her was the best he could get for now. He looked round the room at the other couples, and a twinge of jealousy went through him. There's definitely a downside to being the captain – you can't fraternise with officers under your command.

As he watched, he saw Malcolm lean back toward Trip to whisper something. Their faces were very close together and it seemed just natural that they would kiss. Archer had never seen them kissing and was quite touched at the sight. Others had noticed too, judging by the indulgent smiles from around the room. Malcolm had shifted to make himself more comfortable in his new position, and was now turned towards Trip.

Michael took a plate of cakes from the desk and passed it around. T'Pol refused. They were too messy to be eaten with the fingers. But Archer, Hoshi and Travis helped themselves. Travis passed the plate to Malcolm who took a gooey something and offered it to Trip. He opened his mouth and Malcolm put it in. Malcolm was about to take one for himself when Trip stopped him. He grabbed Malcolm's sticky hand.

Saying quietly, “Hey! Let me clean that up for you,” he proceeded to lick Malcolm's fingers until they were completely clean. Malcolm seemed to enjoy the experience.
Then Trip took a chocolate thingy and fed it to Malcolm.

“Oh, dear,” he complained, “now you've got chocolate all around your mouth. I'll have to clean that up, too,” and he did so.

He tenderly licked away every smear of chocolate, then licked over the whole area again in case he'd missed any. Licks turned into gentle kisses and gradually they became more passionate, until both men were obviously thoroughly enjoying themselves.

Cheers, wolf-whistles and catcalls greeted this display, but they both ignored them. Finally, Archer said, “Do you two intend coming up for air any time soon?”

Trip waved his hand at him as if to say, 'Don't bother me now, I'm too busy'.

When they did eventually separate, there were stupid grins on both their faces, and there was spontaneous applause from their friends. Phlox was in seventh heaven. He had acquired so much new data so far this evening; it would take him hours to process it. And the evening wasn't finished yet.

Trip had his arms around Malcolm as if afraid he would get away. “You lot don't know what you're missing,” he proclaimed, just a little merry from two or three beers. “Malcolm here is the best kisser ever. And I challenge you to tell me I'm wrong. I could spend hours kissing him and not get bored”

“Trip,” said Malcolm, “I think you had better shut up before you say something you'll regret.”

“Nah. They should know how good you are, Mal. You deserve the recognition.”

“I don't care what other people think. As long as you're satisfied with my performance, that's all that matters.”

“Don't be a spoilsport! I want them to know, and the best way for them to find out is to try you out for themselves.”

“What? Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“I am saying, Ladies and Gentlemen, for one night only, this is a never-to-be-repeated offer. Avail yourselves of the opportunity to be kissed by Malcolm, our uptight, British, by-the-book armoury officer, and decide for yourselves if he is the best.”

“How many beers have you had, Trip? Only three to my knowledge. You are not usually drunk on so little.”

“I have only had three, Malcolm, and I am not drunk. Happy, yes. But not drunk. I know exactly what I have been saying, and I stand by it. The offer stands.”

“Supposing I refuse to go along with it?”

“You won't. You're too decent to make me renege on a promise.”

“I am really not interested in kissing any of these people here, no matter how much I like them as friends.”

“It’s like other things, Mal. You'll enjoy it when you get going. I just want them to know what a good thing I've got.”

When Trip was in this sort of a mood, Malcolm knew when he was beaten. He sighed, “I bet none of them want to take up the offer, anyhow.”

“Yippee,” crowed Trip. “I knew you'd agree in the end. Right,” he turned to the others, “now who wants to be first for the experience of a lifetime?”

During this exchange, the others had found it first of all amusing, then a little embarrassing, and finally they seemed to have decided it could be a bit of fun.

But no-one apparently wanted to be first.

“Well, come on,” Trip urged, “who's going to be first?”

Eventually the silence was broken by Liz Cutler. “I guess that'll be me, then,” and she slid off the bunk to get nearer to Malcolm.

Malcolm turned to Trip. “Are you quite sure about this? I may decide I prefer Liz to you.”

“You won't. And I trust you.”

“Well, if this backfires, on your own head be it.” So saying, Malcolm got to his feet, stepped gracefully over several other feet, and approached Liz, who was now looking a little nervous.

Several minutes later Malcolm released a very overwhelmed Liz Cutler. He had to keep hold of her for a moment longer as her legs refused to hold her up. She was flushed and breathless, and had trouble getting back to her place on the bunk.

“Well?” asked Trip. “What's the verdict?” Everyone looked at her, waiting for her response.

Drawing a deep breath, she said, “Ethan's got a lot to learn.”

“Yay!” cried Trip, punching the air, and ignoring a rather sullen-looking Ethan. “One satisfied customer. Now, who's next? Tasha?”

“No thanks,” she answered. “I'm happy with what I've got. No offense meant, Mr Reed.”

“None taken, Tasha. No-one's being coerced here except me.”

“I think I'll go next.”

The speaker surprised everyone. It was Phlox!

Malcolm protested. “No, no. No!”

“Oh, dear.” complained Phlox. “I thought this offer was open to anybody. No exceptions have been mentioned.”

“And they weren't intended to be.” Trip interjected. “This offer is available to all, regardless of age, sex, creed, colour, race. Etcetera...etcetera...etcetera.”

“Thank you,” beamed Phlox. “I've never kissed a human male before. One or two females, yes. And of course, I have had great pleasure from kissing many females of my own people, and a few males, too, I might add. I consider myself to be quite... experienced.”

As Phlox joined him in the centre of the room, Malcolm groaned.

Phlox took charge. He took Malcolm by the shoulders and started to kiss him thoroughly. After the initial shock, Malcolm seemed to be enjoying it, but also appeared glad when they broke apart.

“Wow!” he said. “I'm glad I don't have to kiss you too often.” Turning to Trip he added, “He had that extra long tongue of his nearly down to my stomach!”

“But I thought Humans liked a bit of tongue-work,” Phlox said. “Was I wrong?”

“No you're weren't, Phlox. But you nearly made me regurgitate.”

“Oh. Now that would have been embarrassing.”

“Yuk!” said Trip. “Chocolate cake!” Peels of laughter greeted this remark.

Trip turned to Hoshi. “How about you, Hosh? Wanna have a go?”

“I don't think so. It might make things difficult for us working together on the bridge in future.”

“I really don't see why it should. Hey, Cap'n, you'd like to sample the delights of Malcolm, wouldn't you?”

“I'm sure Malcolm's as good as you say, Trip, but he's just not my type. I prefer kissing women.”

“Oh, darn. You mean there are no more takers? Michael, you'll take up this once-in-a-lifetime
offer, won't you?”

“Sorry, sir. Think I'll stick with what I know.”

“You forgot me, Trip.” Travis spoke up from beside him.

“So I did. Sorry 'bout that, an' it's your party, too. Did you wanna have a go?”

“Yeah. Matter of fact, I do.” Malcolm looked distinctly worried. Travis was a good few centimetres taller and about twice as broad. He wasn't sure if he could handle the young helmsman.
Travis stood up, towering over Malcolm, with a lecherous look in his eye.

Well, Malcolm was not the Tactical Officer for nothing. He soon had his opponent sussed.

“On your knees, big guy,” he ordered.

“What?” Travis was confused.

“Down,” Malcolm commanded in his best officer voice.

Travis sank to his knees, a picture of bewilderment. Malcolm put his hand on Travis's shoulder and pushed him gently back until he was sitting on his heels, then he straddled Travis and sat on his thighs. This put him in a superior position. He put his hands either side of Travis’s face and proceeded to kiss him gently at first, then more intensely. Travis didn't seem to know what to do with his hands. They were waving around for a while, then eventually they moved to go around Malcolm's body. The kiss lasted quite some time and they both seemed to be enjoying it. Finally they broke apart, and Malcolm stood up.

“Wow!” was all Travis could say. Malcolm reached out a hand to help him up from the floor. Travis took it gratefully.

“Thanks. Don't think I could have got up without help.”

Travis and Malcolm resumed their seat while drinks and eats were passed around yet again.

“Just in case anyone was feeling shy,” Trip announced, “the offer stands till Malcolm and I leave here tonight. After that, you've lost your opportunity.”

“We'll keep that in mind, Trip,” Archer told him.

Then it was 'telling silly jokes' time. Michael started it with, “Did you hear about the man who taught his dog to pee in the gutter?”

“No. What happened?” asked Archer.

“He fell off the roof and broke his leg.”

Everyone groaned.

“I've got one.” Ethan spoke up. “Why don't cannibals eat clowns?”

“We don't know. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?” asked Liz.

“'Cos they taste funny.”

This got them all giggling. It must have been the alcohol!

Next Travis asked, “Why is Cinderella no good at football?”

“'Cos she's only got one shoe.”


“'Cos the prince won't let her play?”


“It's got to have something to do with the ugly sisters.”

“Possibly. But what?”

“OK. We give in. Why is she no good at football?”

“'Cos she's always running away from the ball.”

Shrieks of laughter followed Travis's reply, but then T'Pol raised her hand and said, “I think I am understanding this... game. I would like to offer my reason as to why Cinderella was not good at football. If I may?” she enquired, politely.

“Sure, T'Pol,” Trip urged. “We'd like to hear it.”

“Then I think it was because her coach had turned into a pumpkin.”

For a moment there was silence as everyone was dumbstruck. Then there were howls of laughter.

“Oh, that was great, Sub-Commander,” said Travis, wiping away tears of laughter. “You made a joke, and it was funny.”

“I simply used logic to work out...”

“Stop, T'Pol,” interrupted Archer. “It doesn't need an explanation.”

Then Malcolm chipped in with his offering. “Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”

To attract a lady elephant?”


“To stop his toenails falling off?”


“So he wouldn't know the difference when the inquisitors pulled them out?”


“Okay,” Hoshi sighed. “I give in. Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”

“So that he could hide in a cherry tree.”

“Oh, Malcolm, that's dreadful!” Hoshi was reduced to fits of giggles though.

“I thought that was the point of silly jokes.”

Archer got to his feet. “Exactly, Malcolm, and while you're all in silly moods, I'll be getting along. Porthos will be wanting his walk.”

“You're not breaking up the party, are you Cap'n?” asked Trip.

“Not at all. Carry on and have fun. As long as you're all fit for duty at the appropriate times tomorrow, you can keep going as long as you like.”

“I bet you found it difficult saying 'appr - appriate - app...' Aw, you know what I mean.”

“Not as difficult as you, Trip. 'Night, everybody.”

“I think I'll retire, too.” T'Pol rose regally, and stepped over several legs to reach the door. Travis had to get up to allow them to leave.

“Thanks for coming, Captain, and you too, Sub-Commander.” Travis was the perfect host.

“I have enjoyed the evening, Ensign. Thank you for inviting me.” T'Pol actually looked as though she meant it.

“It's been fun, Travis,” Archer said as he left following T'Pol. “See you in the morning.”

“I really ought to go and feed my menagerie,” Phlox murmured, “But I'm having so much fun.”

“Go feed 'em and come back again, Doc,” suggested Michael.

“Oh, no. That wouldn't do. I might miss something!”

This remark had everybody rolling around laughing.

“Oh, Doc,” gasped Hoshi, “you shouldn't say things like that. I think I've cracked a rib.”

“Well, I really don't want to fill up sickbay with a lot of broken bones.”

This had them laughing even more. It was all so silly, but they were all slightly the worse for drink.

Tasha then proposed that Travis should tell another ghost story, then maybe everyone would calm down a bit.

This idea was met with shouts of approval, so they settled down for another story. Travis had plenty to tell, but if he told them one they'd heard before, it wouldn't have mattered.

Eventually the food was all gone, the drink was all gone and Liz had fallen asleep on Ethan's shoulder.

By general consent they decided it was time to leave. Ethan woke Liz and then they actually managed to clear away some of the mess so as not to leave it all to Travis in the morning. Liz and
Ethan left, followed by Tasha and Michael.

At the door, Trip and Malcolm said a fond 'goodnight' to Hoshi and Travis, then stumbled along the corridor to Trip's quarters.

Before they got there, however, Trip stopped suddenly, pushed Malcolm against the wall and kissed him passionately.

“Couldn't you wait till we reached your quarters?” Malcolm gasped when he was allowed to breathe again.

“Just wanted to make sure you know I'm the only one kissing you from now on. OK?”

“Very OK, Love. I didn't enjoy any of them as much as I enjoy you.”

“Good! Let's keep it that way”

They continued on down the corridor, and Trip seemed to be singing something that sounded like                               'Row, row, row the boat, gently...'



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